How to avoid being a victim
Hypnosis can help you avoid being a victim.
The Question
“I suffered through years of childhood abuse. I’m now almost 25 and the effects of it are controlling my life. I read on your site how you mentioned that victims of childhood abuse often become revictimised. I have seemed to experience that a lot throughout my life with the people I’ve met. I also read that victims tend to be subconsciously drawn or attracted to those who will betray them again.
I’m wondering if you could help me in the right direction to NOT being a victim anymore and if there are any ways not to be “attracted” to people who will just cause me to be revictimised again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.”
The Reply
Excellent questions.
That you even ask them shows that you are on the right path to no longer being a victim. And that’s great.
I’ll answer your email as thoughts occur to me. Thus, the following is not in any particular order of importance.
The biggest danger in the process of re-victimization is that the people who are potential abusers at first appear to be charming, even loving. They are attentive, appear warm and perhaps even “sensitive.”
But it’s all an act. Sociopaths have no conscience. They can only simulate feelings., except for anger at being thwarted. But they do it very well. That’s why it is so easy for a vulnerable person to be taken in.
Look for little clues such as their not wanting to spend time with your existing friends. Of course, a couple newly in love want to spend time alone, but what you’re on the alert for is the abuser’s need to control.
An abuser wants to use their prey. They want control over their victims.
This need for control will leak out before it becomes full-blown. So, another thing you do is allow time to pass.
Observe the abuser’s behaviour, especially with the other important people in your life.
Look at the abuser as objectively as possible. If they bear a lot of resemblance to other abusers (in character, not looks), dump them.
A decent person will truly listen to you. They’ll sometimes do things you want, even though it’s not what interests them. They’ll want to meet your friends and family – not just on one fleeting visit, either.
Key question to ask yourself is “Are they really considerate of me?” And sending you flowers after yelling and screaming at you, or worse, beating you up or forcing sex on you, does NOT qualify.
If you find yourself making excuses for the abuser in your life, dump them.
If you find yourself unwilling to present the abuser to your friends, dump the abuser.
If you find the abuser unwilling to allow you time on your own, dump them.
But by far the best protection from being re-victimised is to build your own self-esteem. Then you’ll find yourself attracted to decent people.
Build your self-esteem by following your dreams, doing things you’re proud of, exercising, taking part in activities that really interest you (then, as a by-product you’ll likely meet a person who also has self-respect).
People who respect themselves are attracted to others who have self-respect.
An abusee is attracted to a potential abuser precisely because the abusee has low self-esteem. So does the abuser, though their bravado at first masks the low self-image. (Swaggering and bragging can also be symptoms).
You might begin your new, abuse-free life by building your self-esteem with this hypnotic self-esteem booster.
— Dr Bryan M. Knight, MSW, PhD